Biology Is The Least Of What Makes Someone A Mother
A bookstore in my hometown held an author event for me on Saturday. In my talk I briefly discussed "biology is the least of what makes someone a mother" as said by the amazing Oprah and I would like to elaborate more on this:
You see before Ian and I had our twins, so during the eight years it took for us to have a family, I had plenty of insecurities about not being able to fall pregnant like my sisters and friends around me seemed to do so effortlessly. During my 20s I thought, when I was ready, which happened to be my very early 30s, it would all happen so naturally, but that wasn't going to be the case of me. Once Ian and I knew we were going to have to do down the path of having some medical assistance I didn't share my struggles with others around me, as I didn't need to feel their pity, as trust me I was hard enough on myself as it was, which I now know is silly! I was angry, frustrated, sad & often felt lonely. Maybe I should have let others in but at the time I preferred to cover up the question of "So when are you going to have a baby?" by shrugging it off and saying "not sure" as though I did not care if I had a baby at all. For me I found it easier to keep our struggles tucked away for no one to see, with only a few family members and friends allowed in on our secret. HOWEVER, after we had our twins I was excited and ready to share my exciting news with all the friends and family around us. Unfortunately I was not prepared for the constant question of "So are they your babies?" Each time this question took me by surprise and totally flawed me, and still does to this day. Now I ask you to think about this for a moment: here is a new mother who has been trying for 8 years to have a baby and here are people in her life asking if the babies she is holding are hers!!! This question was heartbreaking for me to hear. I knew there was gossip amongst friends, some I have known most of my life, about whether Bane and Daya were mine as apparently my twins appearance being their slightly darker complexions and dark hair plus the fact they were born overseas meant they could not possibly be mine!!!! Whether Bane and Daya are biologically mine or Ian's or not does not matter. They ARE OUR babies!! I had to distant myself from friendships as it hurt just to damn much and made me so damn angry! Instead I learnt to focus on the good people in my life who were overjoyed for us and celebrated our miracle babies and did not care how they came to be.
It does not matter how Bane & Daya came into the world to be our babies, or how anyone has their babies, whether they have had to go down the science path, or adoption or donor or surrogacy, what matters most is that these babies are well and truly loved and nurtured and brought up to be decent human beings. Don't you all agree?